Thursday, April 16, 2009

Baseball is NOT My Sport!

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

I finally have a few spare minutes, and since it is baseball season I thought I might tell you why I haven't like baseball since I was a teenager.....

5th Grade: We were playing baseball at recess one day and I was the catcher. I told the batter and pitcher to wait a minute, but they didn't listen. The batter swung, I was too close, and they ended up hitting me in the mouth with the bat. Luckily no teeth were lost, but my face did swell.

6th Grade: I had a backstop fall on me at school. Yep, you read that right. A BACKSTOP! It hit my lower back causing it to swell up. Not sure what kind of damage it did, but I still have problems with that area.

8th Grade: We were playing baseball (using a hardball cuz that was all we had) after church one Sunday. I was in the left field and my brother was in front of me. I was bored so I was standing there talking to one of the other girls playing outfield. The guy up to bat hit a line drive. My brother didn't think he could catch it so he ducked. All I remember was instant pain and then hitting the ground. It broke all the bones around my left eye, broke all the blood vessels in my eye, and scratched the retina. The entire left side of my face swelled to twice it's size and I had a HUGE black eye. For the next couple of years every couple of months my eye would swell up for no reason and you could push the area right next to my eye and feel fluids rush up and down my face.

I never played baseball again!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I’m really not as nice as everyone thinks I am

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

I used to take step aerobic classes. I am not the most coordinated person in the world, but I can do step aerobics. I know it’s surprising, but normally I can even do them without falling off the step. It’s quite an accomplishment for me considering the fact that I can actually fall up the stairs.

I normally like to be in the front row that way I can see everything the instructor does. It just makes things easier for me. I got there a little later than normal one day and ended up in the back of the class. As I was waiting for the class to start I noticed the girl in front of me. She was one of those perfect little 20 yr olds. Little bitty, blonde, perfect legs, perfect butt, perfect hair, perfect makeup, cute little matching workout outfit, 20 yr olds. I hated her on the spot. How dare she come in and workout in front of me. She didn’t need to be there. I shouldn’t have to stare at something that looked that perfect when I didn’t.

As the class started I began to wonder if I would get in trouble if I kicked the step out from underneath her. Could I possibly get away with it? I could say it was an accident. No one would have to know that I did it just to see her fall on her perfect little butt.

Wait a second.

Hold on.

She just fell of her step.

I didn’t do it. I swear.

She did it again.

Bwahahahahaha! She couldn’t move without falling off of it.

The perfect little thing wasn’t so perfect. She was even more uncoordinated than me. I LOVED IT!

Half way through the class I started mentally patting myself on the back.

Then it happened.

I slipped off the step.

Dang it! Stupid little perfect 20 something yr old. With her perfect little body………………….

Monday, April 13, 2009

Why I don't do snow sports!

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

Its freezing outside, there are only three people here at the office (including me) and I'm bored. The snow and ice remind me of a blonde moment story from when I was about 16. Wellllllllll, its actually closer to being a story about how klutzy I am than it is a blonde moment.

My Mom had been staying in Spokane with Lisa (my sister) and Mike (her husband) for a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. So they decided that we would have it there instead of at home. By the time we got there they had about 6 inches of snow on the ground. That evening Lisa and Mike decided to take the me, Petie, and Mary sledding (we were using inner tubes though) in order to give Mom and Dad a chance to be alone. As we were leaving the last thing Mom said was "Be careful!"

The hill that we went to was pretty big. It had trees on both sides, but there was a clearing that was about the length of a football field. As we stood there waiting for our turn to go down Mike told us not to worry if our tube turned us around backwards because we were far enough away from the trees that we should be safe. Now being the cautious person that I am, I let everyone else go ahead of me so that I could be sure that they made it safely down the hill. Sure enough each person that went came back safely. Now it was my turn. I started of in the middle just like everyone else had. There I was shooting down the hill. The tube had turned me backwards, but I wasn't worried because I had seen everyone else do the same thing.. The cold breeze and snowflakes were hitting my face. I was having a blast. I was about half way down the hill I looked up and saw everyone is screaming and waving. I smiled and waved back. Then tube started to turned me back around, and that is when I saw it. I was heading straight into a HUGE tree. I quickly threw myself off the tube, but I just wasn't quick enough. My leg hit the tree. Mike ran (slipping and sliding) down the hill to me. He checked my leg and said that he didn't think it was broken, but it already swelling so I had probably sprained it pretty bad. Needless to say we all packed up and headed back to the house.

***This is probably when you are thinking that the story is over, BUT you would be wrong. ***

We got back to the house and I had to spend the rest of the evening laying on the couch with an icepack on my leg. Every time I went anywhere I either crawled or hopped. I was just thankful that I hadn't broke anything. Soon it was time for bed. Lisa and Mike lived in an old two story house. Mary and I were staying in one of the rooms upstairs. So had to literally I crawl up the stairs. Mary went right to sleep, but I stayed up reading for a while. There was window by the bed that had that old type of wooden window frames. Every now and then I would stop reading to look out the window. It was probably about 1 or 2 am when I noticed that it had started snowing again. So I did what any normal kid would do. I opened the window because I was planning on sticking my head out so that the snow would hit my face. I had just gotten the window open and I put my hands down to brace me. Before I could put my head out the window it slammed shut and locked. When it slammed shut if landed on my fingers. In fact I could see my fingers through the window. I started screaming my head off. I woke the entire house up. They all came racing into the room thinking that I was killing Mary. Mike had to push down on the window in order to get it open. It was EXTREMELY painful, but once again I lucked out and hadn't broken anything.

I ended up spending Thanksgiving sitting on the couch, leg propped up with an ice pack on it, and both hands sitting in bowls of ice. NOT fun! To this day I don't like doing snow sports.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Plumbing/Blonde Moment

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

I can't believe that I'm actually going to post this, but I'm bored and needed something write about. So here you go.

A while back I had a plumbing problem. I normally take my showers at night so that my hair will be dry in the morning. It was Thursday night and I took my shower like normal, but the bath tub wouldn't drain. (This didn't surprise me since my roommate and I both have long hair). So I went to work the next morning complaining that my bath tub was clogged. One of the girls at work told me that she always just pours bleach down her drain and it eats away the hair. So I went home that night and poured bleach down my drain.

**stop laughing this isn't the funny part yet**.

Of course the next morning it was still plugged, only now I couldn't poor anything else in it due to the fact that the bleach was still in it and you can't mix chemicals. Now I had another problem. How was I going to take a shower? So I did what any normal person would do, I improvised. I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. Then I decided that I really needed to shave so I sat on one corner of the sink with my legs going over both sinks to the other side. (I pretty much took a bath in it) I did this all weekend long.

**hey I like to be clean, what can I say**

Monday morning I got up and the bathtub had finally drained so I turned the water on to see if it had completely unclogged, but it hadn't so now I had water in the tub again. Since there wasn't any chemicals in it anymore I poured some stuff called EasyFlo down it. As soon as I poured it in, smoke started coming up out of the drain and it smelled like burnt hair. I immediately started praying that the stuff wouldn't eat holes in my plumbing. I just sat there and watched thinking soon everything would drain. Not a chance. I had to leave to pick up a co-worker to taker her to work, but I was worried about leaving with this stuff still in my pipes since the directions said to immediately run cold water for 5 minutes after the drain was unclogged. So I went and picked up Dee, ran her to work, explained my situation to my boss, and then hurried home.

On the way home I received a phone call from my best friend. She told me that they had had a clog and they'd had to use the whole bottle of EasyFlo at once to get it to work. Now being the dingy person I am I decided to take her advice. I went in and finished pouring the whole bottle down my drain. I waited, and waited, and waited, and nothing happened. By this time I realize that I'm going to have to suck it up and call a plumber. So that is what I did.

About two hours later they show up. I began explaining the whole problem to the guys and one of them tells the other to go out and get some tools. He then proceeds to go to the tub. He looks down and then looks at me and asks "So does the drain stop on the tub work?" I told him "Yes" He flips the little drain stop knob and everything drained. He then turned to me (trying not to laugh) and said "that will be $65.00". He was joking of course. In fact he didn't even charge me a trip charge (I think that he just wanted to get out of there so that he could laugh his head off).

Now you know just how dingy I can be. I did learn some things out of this though. First, my legs are the exact length of my two kitchen sinks (did I tell you that I was kind of short?). Second, never listen to people at work for plumbing advice. Last but not least, ALWAYS check the plug first.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

My First (and only) Pair of Roller Blades

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

Here is another blonde moment for you. Before I start, I guess that I should probably describe myself to you. Im 5'1/4", long dark hair, petite body, with more than enough on top. I also have no coordination what-so-ever. Now keep this in mind as you continue to read.

Several years ago I woke up one morning and decided that I wanted to learn how to roller blade.

***Don't ask me why because I have no clue. It was just one of those moments.***

So I got up and went to the store to purchase some roller blades. I walked into the store and told the clerk that I had decided that I wanted to learn how to roller blade. The guy gave me the strangest surprised look and asked "Why?" I told him that I just felt like it. He took one look at me laughed and said, "I'm sorry but I just sold our last fanny pad!"

*** HOW RUDE!***

Now at this point most people probably would have been offended, but I'm used to it by now so I just laughed on long with him. After trying on about 5 or 6 pairs I finally made my choice. The clerk then pointed out that I would probably need some pads. So he talked me into buying a complete set (wrist, elbow, and knee). He then tried to convince me to purchase a helmet, but I had to draw the line there.

I paid for my stuff and headed to the lake.

Normally I don't like to do new things like this by myself, but I figured that I knew how to roller skate so how hard could roller blading really be? I get to the park and put on all my new stuff. Here is a little description of how I looked: My hair was in a pony tail with a baseball cap, shorts, tank top, roller blades, wrist pads, elbow pads, knee pads, cell phone in pocket, and head phones. As I stood up (actually I pulled myself up hanging on to the car door) I began to realize that this might not have been that great of an idea. I looked around and people were just whizzing by roller blading and none of them was wearing all of the pads. It was at this point that I realized that I looked like a nerd on skates, but I was determined to continue on. It took about 10 minutes and several falls to reach the sidewalk path. Once there, I finally was able to start skating. Slowly my confidence built up and I was able to start enjoying myself.

It was a beautiful day out and there were a ton of people around. I was having a great time. Weeeelllllll, I did for about 20 minutes any ways. Then my legs started to hurt and my feet started screaming out in agony. Unfortunately it was at this point that I realized that I didn't know how to stop the frickin' things. I looked up the path a little ways and saw a park bench. I remembered that when roller skating all you have do is twist your butt around and sit down. So I figured that I could do the same thing with roller blades. WRONG! I was thoroughly and completely wrong. Roller blades are not anything at all like roller skates. I rolled up to the bench, twisted, and missed it. I ended up rolling underneath it and catching myself on the bench with my arms. There I was with my breasts and arms sitting on the bench where by butt should have been. My legs were under the bench with my feet sticking out the other side. I couldn't even get enough traction to push myself out from underneath the bench. Finally after several tries I just sat down on the ground, pulled my legs out from under the bench and then crawled on top of it. I looked around to see how many people were laughing at me, and realized that not one person witnessed this embarrassing display. After that I decided to call it a day.

As I was driving home I kept thinking "I can't wait to get out and do this again!"

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Weekend of Exposure

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

This is a blog I wrote a while back about a weekend filled with embarrassing moments:

Good Morning! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Mine was great! Although it was a weekend filled with embarrassing moments, but at least they weren't all mine.

Gotta love breast fed babies! LOL!

Friday night I went shopping with my friend Sheril and her two daughters Jaely and McKaena . Jaely is 1 yrs old and when she gets tired she likes to place her hands inside your shirt so that she can feel skin. Normally this isn't that big of a deal, but Friday night was an acceptation due to the fact that I was wearing a low cut shirt. We got to Babies-R-Us and I was carrying her into the store when all of the sudden she stuffed her hands into my shirt. Not just inside but completely down my bra and cupping my breast. I gently pulled her hand out and tried to keep her otherwise occupied. Sheril and McKaena went to one side of the store. While Jaely and I went to the other side. We looked around a bit and I found something that I wanted to show Sheril. So I started walking in that direction when all of sudden Jaely reaches up and pulls my shirt completely down exposing my entire bra. I quickly yanked my shirt up, but apparently not quick enough. The guy in front of me was laughing his head off. She managed to do this to me twice, but there was no one there to witness the second time.

Gotta love your friends too!!

Saturday morning I got a phone call from my friend Shantell from Stillwater. She and her little family were going to be coming into the city to go shopping and wanted me to meet them. Shantell's husband LOVES to embarrass me. In fact I think it is his goal in life to see how many times he can make me turn completely red. Saturday was not different. We were standing in line to check out when he reaches down and grabs to small basket balls (the kind that you by for little kids). He then looks at the cashier (who just happened to be a guy), grabs my waist and pulls me over to him, holds the balls up to his chest, and says in a very loud voice "Do we look like twins?" The cashier died laughing, I turned beat red, and Scott just looked extremely proud.

Gotta love it when it's not about you!!!

Sunday morning my roommate Janice and I were running late for church. We pulled up to the church and parked in the back. We decided that we were going to quickly sneak in through the side door. I got out of the car and started heading towards the door. I was almost to the walkway when I heard Janice make a startled sound. I turned around to see if she was okay. She was standing there with a total look of shock on her face. I looked down and burst into laugher. Her skirt had fallen to her ankles and she was standing there in her slip. I immediately fell to the ground in laughter. Needless to say I didn't get anything out of church yesterday.

Now tell me some your embarrassing moments.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Day I Flew like Superman

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

The following story is true.

WARNING: Do NOT attempt anything that you read here as it really is quite painful.

I had made plans with a friend to go with her to Henrietta to see her boyfriend, so I knew that I would have to get up early on Saturday. My alarm went off bright and early. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyes felt like they were glued shut due to the fact that I had slept in my contacts. So I reached over and grabbed the re-wetting drops off my dresser. Unfortunately I accidentally grabbed the ear wax remover by accident and put several drops in my eye.

There was instant mind-numbing pain.

My eyelids clamped shut.

(I never knew that eyelids could be so strong.)

I went running out of my room screaming like a banshee. I ran to the bathroom and started throwing water in my face. My roommate Dana came flying out of her room screaming “What’s wrong!” I don’t remember exactly what I said, but the next thing I knew she was helping me throw water in my face. We finally got my eye pried open enough to remove my contact and to completely flush it out, but it still felt like it had been lit on fire. Not a pleasant feeling. I removed my contacts and was forced to wear my glasses. For some odd reason my depth perception was completely thrown off, and I spent the morning running into door jams and falling down the stairs.

***Now you may be thinking that this is where the story ends, but you would be wrong. I was going out of town with a friend. Remember?***

Stephanie arrived around 2:00 pm to pick me up and we headed to Henrietta. Later that evening a few of us decided to go the park. We were having a great time acting liking little kids and being stupid when it happened. I was standing on a rock that was about 2 1/2 ft tall staring at that swings when this thought popped into my head. For some odd reason I thought it would be fun to jump of the rock, take off running, land on the swings with my stomach, push off with my legs, and fly like superman.

That was the last thought I remember.

*** at this point I would like to remind you that my depth perception was off due to the morning events***

One minute I was standing on that rock thinking like a child, and the next minute I was lying on the ground with my face in the dirt and my arms above my head.

I rolled over and everyone was just staring at me in stunned silence. You could tell that they wanted to laugh, and once they knew I was okay they laughed until they cried.

I waited until they could contain themselves before asking them what happened.

And I waited......

And I waited........

After about 15 minutes Stephanie said that all they knew was that I was standing on the rock, then I was flying through the air, I landed on the ground face first, and then bounced twice before finally landing.

At the mention of me bouncing twice they all fell to the ground in another round of uncontrollable laughter. I LOVE my friends. J

Monday, April 6, 2009

Is being single really that bad?

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here.

I love to read and I love reading blogs, but lately almost every blog I read seems to be about relationships. They are about how to get a guy/girl. They talk about how to keep your guy/girl.

My questions are:

When did life become so wrapped up in these things?
Why is that we always think that all we need to make us happy is a relationship?
Is being single really that bad?

Over the last few years there have been times when I have let the fact that I am still single depress me. I let things bother me that I shouldn't and it actually began to control my life. It took me a while, but now I realize that I am happy with my life. I am able to look back and I see where I have been able to accomplish and do things that I probably never would have done had I been married. I have gotten to know people that I probably never would have had a chance to know. I am beginning to see how being single has been a blessing. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I have given up on wanting a relationship? I still want a husband and children, It just means that I have come to terms with the hand that been dealt to me, and I am able to look back and I see where God has blessed my life in ways that only he and I understand.
Being single is not easy, but then again I don't believe that being in a relationship is all peaches and cream either. So why do we tend to dwell on these things? Why do we allow whether or not we are single control our lives? Personally, I can think of a lot of things that are far worse than being single.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Everyone said I couldn't do it......

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here.

For the past few months I have been asking some of my guy friends to help me do somethings around the house. Mainly because they kept telling me not to even attempt to do them on my own. So this weekend I was tired of waiting on them to help me out and decided to get the stuff done even if it killed me.

Since Janice was only going to be home in the morning and early afternoon, we decided that we needed to tackle the tree limbs hanging over my roof first.

Note 1 (for those who don't know me): I'm scared of heights, and I tend to trip over every little thing.

Here is how the limbs looked before I started.

Then I began......

I must admit that it was at this point that my legs began to shake and I began praying that I wouldn't kill myself.

After a lot of praying and sawing my roof was finally tree limb free.....

AND it was accomplished without me breaking anything. Things are were going great.

Note 2: Chainsaw was not used because I was afraid that I would drop it and then it would go through my roof, then through my ceiling, into the room below, and through the floor. Don't laugh. I know my limitations. It WOULD have happened.

Now on to the Kitchen to change out the faucet.

Note 3: Gaylin, Robert, and Adam all told me that I should not even attempt this due to my previous plumbing experiences.

This is what my faucet looked like..

And now it looks like this

The faucet is installed, Everything works correctly, AND there are no leaks. (Therefore no one will need to replace my kitchen floor.)

Note 4: I will accept all apologies in writing only.

By now it was around 1:00 and Janice had to leave. She expressed that she was thoroughly disappointed that I hadn't had a blonde moment. She said that the only reason she wanted to help work on everything was so that she would have something to laugh at. HOW RUDE!

I was pretty wiped out by all this manual labor, so I sat down at the computer for a while to check out Queen Suzz's Blog. (She had a clue game going on over the weekend) I played on mycrack for a while and then decided that I needed to trim the trees in my back yard.

So I got this out...

I then stood on the picnic table and preceded to trim the tree limbs. I almost finished without anything going wrong. Then a branch came down and hit me right under my eye. My hand flew to my eye and when I pulled it away there was blood. So I threw the branch cutter down and ran into the house to get a wash cloth and some ice.

(The horrible branch is one leaning on the picnic table)

Sunday morning I woke up to my eye looking like this....

Not pretty!!!! So much for accomplishing everything without any problems. Janice came home and laughed at me. She then told me that it wasn't fair that it happened after she left. Again, HOW RUDE! LOL!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Check Engine

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

I am definitely not blonde, but I am often told that I have all the characteristics of a blonde but the hair color. I wish that I could deny this, but I can't (mainly because it is true). My friends are always telling me that I need to write down all of my blonde moments. Personally I think that they are funnier when I tell them in person, but who am I to argue. So here you go..

I purchased my first car when I was 20. It was used, but that didn't bother me because it was mine. I was so excited even though I knew absolutely nothing about cars. One day on the way home from work my check engine light came on. I pulled into the first gas station that I saw, and sat there staring at the light with no idea what to do. So I got out of the car, popped the hood, and looked at the engine. I then muttered "Yep, its still there" and closed the hood. When I got back into the car the light had turned off so I drove home.

When I woke up the next morning the battery was dead.

Note: In my defense I did exactly what the light told me to do. It is not my fault that it doesn't actually mean "check the engine".

Innocence Lost

Before you read the poem, I want to make sure that you know that it isn't about me. I've been hearing so much about children being molested, raped, abused, neglected, and abducted lately that it stuck in my head and broken my heart . Then I read a blog by on another website about a girl's parent's that started selling her when she was 12 yrs old. Everything just stuck in my head, I sat down to write, and this is what came out.

door shuts
lock clicks
it begins
where is mommy
where is daddy
tears flow
please don't
it hurts
where is mommy
where is daddy
innocence lost
tear streaked face
where is mommy
where is daddy
it is done
lock clicks
door opens
where were you mommy
where were you daddy