Thursday, April 9, 2009

My First (and only) Pair of Roller Blades

Disclaimer: I'm going to give you fair warning that I am not the best writer in the world. So if bad punctuation and grammar ticks you off..............Well too bad because there is bound to be some in here. ;)

Here is another blonde moment for you. Before I start, I guess that I should probably describe myself to you. Im 5'1/4", long dark hair, petite body, with more than enough on top. I also have no coordination what-so-ever. Now keep this in mind as you continue to read.

Several years ago I woke up one morning and decided that I wanted to learn how to roller blade.

***Don't ask me why because I have no clue. It was just one of those moments.***

So I got up and went to the store to purchase some roller blades. I walked into the store and told the clerk that I had decided that I wanted to learn how to roller blade. The guy gave me the strangest surprised look and asked "Why?" I told him that I just felt like it. He took one look at me laughed and said, "I'm sorry but I just sold our last fanny pad!"

*** HOW RUDE!***

Now at this point most people probably would have been offended, but I'm used to it by now so I just laughed on long with him. After trying on about 5 or 6 pairs I finally made my choice. The clerk then pointed out that I would probably need some pads. So he talked me into buying a complete set (wrist, elbow, and knee). He then tried to convince me to purchase a helmet, but I had to draw the line there.

I paid for my stuff and headed to the lake.

Normally I don't like to do new things like this by myself, but I figured that I knew how to roller skate so how hard could roller blading really be? I get to the park and put on all my new stuff. Here is a little description of how I looked: My hair was in a pony tail with a baseball cap, shorts, tank top, roller blades, wrist pads, elbow pads, knee pads, cell phone in pocket, and head phones. As I stood up (actually I pulled myself up hanging on to the car door) I began to realize that this might not have been that great of an idea. I looked around and people were just whizzing by roller blading and none of them was wearing all of the pads. It was at this point that I realized that I looked like a nerd on skates, but I was determined to continue on. It took about 10 minutes and several falls to reach the sidewalk path. Once there, I finally was able to start skating. Slowly my confidence built up and I was able to start enjoying myself.

It was a beautiful day out and there were a ton of people around. I was having a great time. Weeeelllllll, I did for about 20 minutes any ways. Then my legs started to hurt and my feet started screaming out in agony. Unfortunately it was at this point that I realized that I didn't know how to stop the frickin' things. I looked up the path a little ways and saw a park bench. I remembered that when roller skating all you have do is twist your butt around and sit down. So I figured that I could do the same thing with roller blades. WRONG! I was thoroughly and completely wrong. Roller blades are not anything at all like roller skates. I rolled up to the bench, twisted, and missed it. I ended up rolling underneath it and catching myself on the bench with my arms. There I was with my breasts and arms sitting on the bench where by butt should have been. My legs were under the bench with my feet sticking out the other side. I couldn't even get enough traction to push myself out from underneath the bench. Finally after several tries I just sat down on the ground, pulled my legs out from under the bench and then crawled on top of it. I looked around to see how many people were laughing at me, and realized that not one person witnessed this embarrassing display. After that I decided to call it a day.

As I was driving home I kept thinking "I can't wait to get out and do this again!"


  1. LMAO!!! But no one stopped to help?

  2. LOL, my tinyshrimp needs to come to Florida where we will teach her how to ride a bike :)

  3. Ages and ages ago I tried roller blades. Just like you, I know how to roller skate; I'm old enough to have gone to the roller rink in middle school, and just like you, after about 30 minutes, my ankles felt like they would have snapped off had I done any more.

    What is it that makes roller skating fun yet roller blading so painful?

  4. Lorien: Nope no one stopped. I'm pretty sure that no one even saw it happen.

    Bronsont: I haven't ridden a bike since I was a teenager. That could be interesting. LOL

    Nathan: I have no idea, but rollerblades are definitely harder. LOL.

  5. i have been roller blading for 8 years and i am almost pro.. it takes time to get used to it.. lol

  6. Great article! I love rollerblading. I'm on my skates everyday. I sometimes shop at Roller Hockey Monkey and like to use Roller Hockey Monkey coupon codes to save some money